Thursday, March 29, 2012

Changes

So, I want to simplify and change my blog name.. I think it needs to be something more attractive. I've been looking deeply inward to acquire the name change. It will come.

On another note, I had a moment of weakness. I know I promised I wouldn't mention the EX but he did something very wrong and it really put kink in my process and I need to get it out.

He had been texting me for me weeks, I avoided them. But then, just this past Friday his last text was "I love you."
Saturday I spend with friends went to a fun party and did my best to peruse on this birthday scavenger hunt in Fremont, which was just so much fun by the way. GREAT planning, beautiful day.
By the time it was over, we were all beat, and I was so ready for bed (6pm-7pm)! That's about normal when I have an active day.
In my weak moment mentioned earlier, I thought, "you know, I love him, and he sure must not be seeing that young girl anymore if  he is saying such things." So I responded "Well, I do too." and the conversation got deeper and went to saying he loved me, over exaggerating the love word, using it 10 tens (I love love love...you get it). And then I was even more certain, he can't rightfully be seeing someone else, not even giving it the thought he would be doing something wrong. He continued to say he missed me and he would do anything for me, etc etc.
The conversation lasted through the end of Monday. Sunday my mind had it figured out, the second night in a row he just exited on a conversation, not finishing it and disappeared not saying a word after. AT this moment, it hit me, or he's had this young girl over and doesn't want her to know he was even talking to me, let alone saying what he was saying.
Rightfully so, when I figured this out, I was heated, so angry he led me on to believe he wanted to fix things and was still seeing this other person (remember, he started seeing her the day after I left, him knowing I was pregnant and all of that).
So I had to once again stand strong, as to not be manipulated by this womanizer. My words weren't the nicest, but really, at this point, he deserved nothing less and certainly nothing more. He has toyed  with my emotions for so long and this time used his language as a way of doing it even more. When I said, I'm going to let her know what you're up to, he says "She won't care, it's normal for me to still have these feelings." and I say "NOT IF YOU ARE FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE. What the hell is wrong with you? And if she doesn't care, she must have absolutely no self esteem", which is how he chooses.
So, now here I am, protecting myself strongly against him, even more than the first time.

Thank goodness I have one special friend who is really great about talking me through these things and reminding me to stay away from him. Plus he gives me sweet compliments, which is just a nice bonus.

I also have options/choices of visiting a handful of different places and not sure where I would go, all seemingly sunny places too.. I just have to truck through this extremely busy month.

So, this Spring? The flowers are so darn pretty. Breathe... breathe... breathe...

3 comments:

  1. Way to stand up for yourself! come visit sunny boise.. except it's been raining for 3 weeks! come visit for hazel's birthday, end of april!

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    1. When is it.. If I can get a ticket that would ne fun.

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    2. And ya, he has issues. His entire family. I was harassed by his mom and threatened by his brother. The only part of this I wish I could change is him. It wont matter anyway because he womt be around. Thank god!

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